My life has encountered numerous changes over the past two years. In the summer of 2006 my church hosted a group of 19 Scottish people who came on a mission trip. They taught soccer clinics and led worship for us on several nights and Sunday mornings. I really bonded with the mission team members, becoming close friends with several of them. It ignited in me a desire to travel somewhere different and experience being around a different set of people.
In December of ‘06, I acted on that desire by visiting Scotland for two weeks. My best friend Erin went over with me, and we had a wonderful time. I fell in love with the country of Scotland, and was loath to leave when the two weeks were over. At the time, I wondered why I couldn’t simply move there, and carve out a place for myself among my friends who had become like family. I went home in tears, wondering when I would next see my friends.
Shortly after I returned home, a friend of mine over there named Colin introduced me to another friend of his using MSN instant messenger. This friend’s name was Murray. Murray and I struck up an immediate friendship, talking for hours nearly everyday. I encouraged honesty between us and we became very close just through typing and sharing our lives. This went on for a year and a half. Sometime in that year and a half, I lost control of my heart (not unusual for me), and began to like Murray as more than a friend. It took him longer to come to feel the same for me, a wise thing on his behalf I believe. When my church finalized the details of our own mission trip to Scotland, Murray and I agreed to meet up with each other and have a “date” of sorts.
I arrived in Scotland on June 9th of this year feeling excited, nervous, and full of butterflies. I finally got up the courage to call Murray that day and we arranged a time and day to meet. I’d seen pictures of him, but I will always remember that first time I saw him in person. He was walking toward me in a hoodie with dinosaur teeth and eyes (no, I’m not lying). When he saw me, he grinned self-consciously and walked over to us (Erin was with me). I felt a leap of happiness and nerves when I met his eyes. We spent that afternoon walking around the East Kilbride mall, talking and dealing with Close Encounters of the Georgia Kind. Murray dealt with the interest and teasing from my fellow church members well.
I won’t tell the details of those two weeks here, they are too private, and would take too long. By the end of those two perfect weeks, I had a boyfriend who had spoken those cherished words, “I love you.” I’m pretty sure I was able to say them back, I may have been overcome by shock. Here I was 29, and thinking I’d never hear those words. But I did hear them, and I still do. Leaving Murray was the hardest thing I have ever done. We were both crying, and if Erin hadn’t been there to lead me away, I don’t think I would have left him.
Almost two months later, I am in the midst of planning to get a work visa and spend six months or so over in Scotland. I know that’s a very big step, but I am anxious to get back to my friends, experience life away from home, take my life into my own hands, have a change of scenery, and, of course, get back to Murray. Getting a visa is not proving an easy process, the websites are confusing, and the process does not appear to be straightforward at all. The stubbornness in me will not allow my frustrations to keep me from my goal. I regret to say that Murray has taking the brunt of my frustration and annoyance with this process that he has no control over. He has been amazingly patient with me, encouraging me to keep working at it, and providing me with a steadiness that has kept my balance. He is most definitely an acceptable change.
All these words that I have written above boil down to this: I love you Murray, with every piece of my heart.
